Precisely one year ago, I didn’t know what I was doing with my life. Shoot, I still don’t know what I’m doing, but now I’m a lot more comfortable with the fact.
Last year I entered my last year of my nursing program, knowing full well that doing nursing for a career made me miserable. I had taken three years for this to sink in (mostly because nursing was such a stable career, such a useful career, and had so many opportunities). But entering fourth year, I just couldn’t deny I wasn’t made to be a nurse. I needed a much higher stress-threshold (sigh). So I dropped the program and spent a year deciding what to do next. The “next thing” ended up being me going back to school to add the credits from nursing to other credits in order to create an Arts degree. Now, this may’ve been a stupid idea. Compared to nursing, a BA graduate has poorer job prospects, likely a lower wager, and a less stable future. But Arts didn’t make me miserable, and it would be a degree either way.
So I currently am deciding on a major and am looking to a future just as blurry as last January (What’s next? An after degree? A Master’s? Some sort of job?) But I’m starting to think I was not so stupid after all. I wouldn’t say I’m one hundred percent an arts student (or a science student), but a BA does work well with me. I actually care about what I’m learning, instead of dreading it. And somewhere I got back the confidence that I’ll somehow (with God’s help), muddle through whatever mess life throws at me next.
The last reason I think I didn’t make the stupidest decision in the world? I’ve started writing again. Now I’ve been writing on and off since I got out of high school, but it’s been through and in spite of writer’s block. This December it’s been like the weight has fallen off and all the words that wouldn’t come for the past five years are spilling out all over the pages. Writing is suddenly fun again. I’d forgotten how much fun. So I can’t totally be on the wrong track if I’ve managed to flip that stupid switch in my brain to “on” now, can I? Writing has always been so much a part of who I am…