Tag Archives: love

Real-life Romance: A Monk and a Nun Get Married

Just as I was about to post this, my internet went on the fritz and I was not able to get this post up till now – technically it is still Friday for me, but it might be rather late for those of you looking for a Friday post. Apologies!

Real-life Romance: A Monk and a Nun Get Married

Who is the next subject of our Real-life Romance series? Well, this might surprise you, but it is Martin Luther. Whoa… what can be romantic about the outspoken and fiery man who spent every other moment insulting the Roman Catholic Church? Well, we all know romance plots are based on getting unlikely people to fall in love (and a good initial dislike of each other at first doesn’t hurt either). Now, what’s more unlikely than a monk and a nun getting married? Since, you know, the very definition of such things is that they vowed to NEVER marry, or really think about the opposite sex much at all.

(Just as a note – clearly Martin Luther is somewhat of a controversial figure, and clearly this post is going to touch slightly on the topic of religion – I’ll just say straight up that I am a Protestant, so I see more good sides to Martin Luther than maybe a Catholic would.)

Let’s start at the beginning. Martin Luther was a scholar who was convinced he would never marry – at first, because he’d become a monk and made a vow of celibacy, and later on, because it was just too dangerous to ask anyone to marry him. You see, at some point he began to argue that being a monk or being celibate didn’t necessarily make anyone more holy than anyone else, and that the this requirement of being a monk was just an unnecessary rule not mentioned in the Bible. But by this point, he’d also made a lot of enemies by, among other things, nailing to a church door a list of ninety-five things wrong with the way the church made money off ‘forgiving sins’, writing numerous incendiary pamphlets about what was wrong the pope and how the church at the time abused their power, and refusing to take back any of the insults he’d given. You know, just in general starting off the Reformation. The Roman Catholic Church at this time did have a lot of power, and making several of the higher-ups in it very mad at you was not a way to guarantee a safe life. He himself wrote, “I shall never take a wife, as I feel at present. Not that I am insensible to my flesh or sex (for I am neither wood nor stone); but my mind is averse to wedlock because I daily expect the death of a heretic.”

Add into this the fact that Luther was a typical bachelor – apparently he wrote without shame that he once did not air his straw bed out for a year – and it doesn’t seem likely this man would marry at all.

But then there was Katharina von Bora, a nun, as we mentioned before. Except she wasn’t really a happy nun, since her father had stuck her in the convent because her mother had died and he’d wanted to remarry. Now, a lot of nuns had started leaving nunneries after hearing Luther disagreed with pressuring people into singleness (it was different, Luther thought, if they were one of the few who truly believed God had called them to be single – he disagreed with external pressure to be celibate), and the nuns in the convent Katharina lived at asked Luther for help in leaving. Luther helped twelve of them sneak out, and find their families or get married once they were out (since women didn’t have a ton of options at the time, they needed to have some way to survive). Except he couldn’t get rid of Katharina, once he’d got her out. Her family didn’t want her back. She refused to marry the man Luther tried to set her up with. Luther apparently didn’t like her very much, calling her proud and snobbish.

Of course, an initial strong dislike in any self-respecting romance plot doesn’t mean they will hate each other forever. In fact, it almost guarantees they will change their minds. And that’s exactly what happened – Katharina admitted to another Luther’s friend that Luther was the only one she’d consider marrying. And Luther came around enough to write, “I urge matrimony on others with so many arguments that I am myself almost moved to marry….” Somehow his dislike faded away. Finally he decided the threat of danger wasn’t enough to keep them apart any more. “If I can manage it, before I die, I will still marry my Katie to spite the devil.”

So they did get married, surprising many people who thought Luther would be a bachelor forever.  They lived together harmoniously – or about as harmoniously as you can imagine two strong-willed people to live – for just over twenty years. Despite the unlikelihood of the two getting together, they somehow did. And that’s another real-life romance.

I am indebted to Wikipedia and Love and Marriage: Luther Style (by Justin Taylor) for much of this info.

 

More in Real-life Romance:

- J.R.R. Tolkien: The Scholarly Professor and Edith

- C.S. Lewis: Joy Surprises Him

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning: From Recluse to Romance

 

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Real-life Romance: Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Elizabeth_Barrett_Browning

Elizabeth Barrett Browning {PD}

Real life is better than fiction sometimes. More unbelievable than fiction too, but that’s another topic. This post will be the first of four to mesh two of my favourite blog topics: romance and history. ‘Cuz I realized, when I thought about it, that I knew at least four stories from history that were eventful enough to be a romance novel on their own. And here you thought real life was boring…

You might’ve thought real life was boring too, if you were Elizabeth Barrett. Or, at least, your life was incredibly boring. Plagued by a mysterious illness since you were fifteen, too frail and weak to go anywhere, shut up away from society in your little home, with only an addiction to morphine to dull your pain. Of course, a friend describes you as ”a slight, delicate figure, with a shower of dark curls falling on each side of a most expressive face; large, tender eyes, richly fringed by dark eyelashes, and a smile like a sunbeam,” which sounds very much like a heroine of a romantic novel, but of what use is that if no one ever sees you? The first act of any romantic novel tends to be boy-meets-girl, and that’s not too likely if you only ever see your family.

But Elizabeth Barrett had a hobby to fill all those hours stuck in the house, and this might be why you’re wracking your brains and going, ah, that name is so familiar! Elizabeth Barrett was a poet. And more than that, she was a successful poet, which is a rare thing. She’d been introduced to several of the literary figures of her day, such as William Wordsworth and Alfred Lord Tennyson (more vaguely remembered names from that long-ago English class!), and she’d published a few popular volumes of poetry. (“Popular volumes of poetry” may sound a bit strange to your ears, but rest assured such things did exist once upon a time.) And her poetry was so good that when Robert Browning read it, he could not resist sending her a fan letter – gushing over the “fresh strange music, the affluent language, the exquisite pathos and true new brave thought,” and then adding, “I do, as I say, love these Books with all my heart—and I love you too…” Oh wow, he wasn’t a shy guy, was he?

And Elizabeth, not too worried about why this guy she’d never met was telling her he loved her, wrote back. Well, it probably was an interesting change from staying home and writing poetry.

So a meeting was arranged, he began to court her, and they fell in love. He was a poet as well, so they at least had common interests to talk about. But she was six years older than him, and an invalid, so she could hardly believe he was interested in her. Her family couldn’t believe it either, and dismissed him as a gold-digger. So the two of them secretly married and went off to live in Italy, where they were, by all accounts, very happy.  (That’s how she became Elizabeth Barrett Browning, you see?)

And she got a whole series of poems out of it! (Life inspires art, what more can a writer ask for?) Not to mention feeling stronger once she got to Italy, and being able to get out more. She even gave birth to a son, though she did have several miscarriages. Her proud husband convinced her that publishing her love sonnets was a good idea, and fortunately (since people’s love poetry all too often are not something that ought to be published), her love sonnets were genuinely good. So she became even more well-known as a poet, and though she was never exactly strong, she did have a far more active social life until she died at fifty-five.

Her love sonnets are entitled Sonnets from the Portuguese*, and the second-last one is probably the most well-known. I think it captures the wild exuberance of love really well, so in case I didn’t do Robert and Elizabeth’s story justice, you can read it below (You can actually read their whole story through the sonnets, but it’s a little more difficult since it’s poetry. It’s very beautiful though):

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

What do you think – can real life stories be more entertaining than fiction?

* The reason she called them Sonnets from the Portuguese was because she only decided to publish them as if they were translations of foreign sonnets – in order to be less obvious about the fact she was describing her whole romantic life in them. Robert Browning suggested she choose Portuguese for the language, because his nickname for her was “my little Portuguese.” And now you know.

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Love In Friendship*

Good Friends, by Hermann Kern. Public Domain

Today is Monday, so it should be Quotables Day, but I am writing a longer post because I’ve been MIA for about three weeks now. Nice to be back, by the way!

While I was travelling, I came to the realization that friendship love doesn’t get the respect it deserves. Sure, people go on and on about ‘the power of friendship,’ or insist they love their friends, but when push comes to shove, it is romantic love that is clearly talked about more, written about more, and sang about more. Name one song about friendship (“Thank You For Being A Friend,” maybe), and you can probably come up with five hundred more gushing about how great romantic love is. Romance novels are a complete genre of their own. Friendship novels – sure, many novels are about friendship, but they don’t have a whole genre all by themselves!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say. During this last trip I took, that worked both ways. I realized how much I value the friends I have in Canada, who support and encourage me, and I discovered how much I’d missed my friends in Brazil (and how much I will miss them again, until I see them again someday!) It felt weird to say that I loved any of them, conditioned as I am to think of love as referring to romance, but maybe love is the right word. Somehow the word friendship is not quite strong enough to cover this feeling by itself.  There are many people I like, and enjoy being with. But there has to be something more, something that describes this strong feeling of connection between people, and desire for the other person’s happiness. I can’t really put this into words, and I’ve always been bad at talking about emotions or letting others know when I care about them. But I know what the pull in my heart feels like.

Love is such a strong word, and almost everyone immediately jumps to the conclusion that it is romantic love you mean when they hear it. Sure, everyone will admit more than one type of love exists – love in families, love in friendship – but the focus is all on the romantic. To the point that every time a novel presents two friends of the opposite gender as friends, readers insist they HAVE to be in love. (Okay, okay, whether guys and girls truly can be just friends or not is a whole other topic, and I’m just going to say here that I think it’s possible but different than same gender friendships). Remember the outrage over the fact that Harry Potter did not fall in love with his friend Hermione by the end of the series? The possibility of romantic love overshadowed the real, genuine love of friendship they had for each other. I think sometimes when we insist on searching for the thrill of romance in everything around us, we miss out on what’s actually there (and yes, I’m guilty of this at times too).

Because friendship love is the kind of love that spills over to many people, can be shared between many people, can be enjoyed by many people. It can grow as the years go by. You can always find room in your heart for more of it. I’d never say romantic love isn’t important, or that we should ignore it completely. In fact, romantic love is probably better if the two of you share friendship love too. I just mean it wouldn’t be a bad thing if we had more books, songs, films and honest conversations about how joyful it is to have friends you love.

*Not to be confused with Jane Austen’s delightful work, Love and Freindship (intentionally misspelled)

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Skipping Dinner: Chapter 30C (Why Polly?)

Hello all! This post was previously Chapter 30C, but has now been removed. But don’t despair! Why Polly? will soon be available in its entirety on Amazon.

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A Chat in the Library: Chapter 30B (Why Polly?)

Hello all! This post was previously Chapter 30B, but has now been removed. But don’t despair! Why Polly? will soon be available in its entirety on Amazon.

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